The History of  the Vagina

Contrary to many school textbooks, the vagina has had a long and plentiful history. The first recorded civilization to use the vagina was the ancient Anciekian Tribe of East St. Louis. This little known tribe consisted mainly of homosexual Native Americans and quickly died out around 400 AD. Findings from the Anciekian ruins tell us that the vagina was known as the 'Cha-Cha' and initially used as a tobacco pouch. The idea was abandoned once it was determined that tobacco held in the vagina didn't burn well and smelled like a burning kid that had Band-Aids on.

The vagina was rediscovered in 1648 by Dr. Jeddidiah Vagina, and hence so named. Legend claims that one day while eating potatoes, a giblet fell off his fork into his lap. While searching for the missing piece, Dr. Vagina discovered a moist flap of skin around his groinal area. Astounded at this new discovery, he quickly finished the potato and began writing a complete thesis on this skin, an article that was published in medical journals worldwide. All the world of medicine hailed Dr. Vagina and his new discovery, which would forever change the way the world stores it's potatoes.

After an inspection launched by the Marquis De Sade, it was determined that approximately half of all humans are inflicted with a vagina. This staggering statistic could even one day reach into the hundreds. Over the years, several other scientists experimented with the vagina, in hopes to further knowledge on the phenomenon. Benjamin Franklin once flew a kite in a storm, with one end tied to Mrs. Franklin's vagina. George Washington Carver filled vaginas with peanuts. But it wasn't until Thomas Edison's invention of the light bulb, did anyone know exactly what a vagina looked like. All they knew was that it felt like a furry frothing slug underneath the bedsheets.

The vagina is still a mystery today.

Scientists and theologists frequently debate it's purpose to no avail. An overwhelming wave of scientists agree that the true purpose of the vagina is for traction, should a vaginaed person lose the use of their legs. Theologists seem to agree that the vagina serves a great religious significance. Even the rednecks have ideas; They claim that vaginas were sent here from outerspace so we wouldn't lose our TV Guides.

  •  350-400 AD Anciekian tribe uses vagina.
  •  1648 North American discovery of vagina.
  •  1649 Publication of Dr. Vagina’s article in Harper’s Journal under the column ‘New Smells’.
  •  1861 United States Civil War erupts over dispute regarding the sovereignty of the Vagina.
  •  1917 John Fitzgerald Kennedy, future 35th President of the United States, emerges from Rose Kennedy’s vagina.
  •  1941 Portable Pocket Vagina invented. Franklin Delano Roosevelt claims it to be “A day that will live in infamy.”
  •  1952 Surgeon General warns public about the dangers of blowing air into the vagina.