YOU ARE 100% TEXAN IF...
1. You can properly
pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia,
Waco, and Amarillo.
2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
10. You measure distance in minutes.
11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "Snob City."
12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
18. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
19. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
20. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition and bait all in the same store.
21. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
22. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
23. You know everything goes better with Ranch.
24. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
25. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.
A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon seeing some cowboys, said,Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
She said that if he didn't start speaking correct English, she was going to send him to a Shakespearean English school.
A little further along, they saw some more
cowboys. "Hey maw! Look at them thar men with them thar bowed legs!" he
So, true to her word, she sent him off to a Shakespearean English school to learn correct English.
He came home several months later on vacation.
As they walked together down the sidewalk, they saw some cowboys. "Hark!"
he said, "What manner of men are these who wear their legs in parentheses?"
A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out
riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes
draught, then another and suddenly throws it into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in midair.
The Californian looks at him and says, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan says, "In Texas, there is plenty of whiskey and the bottles are cheap."
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the champagne into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in midair.
The Oregonian can't believe his eyes, "What the heck did you do that for? That was a perfectly good bottle of champagne!"
The Californian says, "In California, we have plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."
So, awhile later, the Oregonian pulls out a bottle
of Widmer Hefeweizen. He opens it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole
bottle. He then puts the bottle in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the Californian.
The Texan, shocked, says, "Why the hell did you do that?!"
The Oregonian replies, "In Oregon, we have plenty
of Californians and the bottles are worth a nickel."