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Alternative energy sources /n./ New locations to drill for gas and oil.
Bankruptcy /n./ A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.
Burning bush /n./ A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire about non-issues.
Cheney, Dick /n./ The greater of two evils.
Class warfare /n./ Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
Climate change /n./ Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.
Compassionate conservatism /n./ Poignant concern for the very wealthy.
Creation science /n./ Pseudo-science that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental. (see insert)
DeLay, Tom /n./ Past tense of De Lie.
Extraordinary rendition /n./ Outsourcing torture.
Faith /n./ The belief that the Beatitudes (statements made by JC) include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the warmakers."
Free markets /n./ Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.
Girly-men /n./ Males who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.
God /n./ Senior presidential adviser.
Growth /n./ 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2.What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.
Healthy forest /n./ No tree left behind.
Honesty /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g.,"Freedom is on the march.").
House of Representatives /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $1million to $5 million (See: Senate).
Insanity /n./ See: staying the course.
Laziness /n./ When the poor are not working.
Leisure time /n./ When the wealthy are not working.
Liberal(s) /n./ Followers of the Antichrist.
No Child Left Behind /riff./ 1. There are always jobs in the military.
Ownership society /n./ 1. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth. 2. A political system inwhich all power is in the hands of the owners.
Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. 2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.
Pro-life /adj./ Valuing human life up until birth.
Senate /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million.
Simplify /v./ To cut the taxes of Republican donors.
Staying the course /interj./slang./ Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (See: Insanity).
Stuff happens /interj./slang./ I don't have to live in Baghdad.
Voter fraud /n./ A significant minority turnout.
Woman /n./ 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but
can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2.Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions
made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.