day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds
after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting
do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Mississippi State!"
|Two blondes were
filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I
bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."
The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $20 worth."
prepare for his big date the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment
building in order to get a little color for himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the buff. Unfortunately he fell asleep while on the roof and sunburned his Johnson.
Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date, because she was a hot blonde. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie on his big plasma screen.
During the movie, however the young man's sunburn started acting up. After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain, so he went to the kitchen, and poured a glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to find him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of sudden understanding the Blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things! "
|A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"|
young woman was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever
heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellllllllooo," answered the blonde, "They're watch dogs!"
|Caroline, a Southern
blonde, is left alone one morning while her husband is out plowing the
fields. Before he leaves though, the farmer says to her, "The artificial
insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today. I
drove a nail into the two-by-four above the cow's stall. You show
him where it is, okay?" The farmer leaves for the fields, and a while
later the artificial insemination man arrives. Caroline takes him down
the long row of cows until she sees the nail and tells him,
"This is the one, this one right here!"
Terribly impressed, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"By the nail over its stall," Caroline explains.
Then the inseminator asks, "What's the nail for?"
While walking away she says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy
coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots,
so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks
"Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The cowboy says, "Well it's like this, Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her ... so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy."
"And here I am."
ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a
small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when
a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK,
Jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What
makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical
attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like
you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community,
of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind
continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women
at large...all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this, Mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee."