YOUR CLOTHES You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
PREPARING FOR BIRTH You practice your breathing religiously. You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing. You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
THE LAYETTE You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. Boys can wear pink can't they?
WORRIES At the first sign of distress-- a whimper, a frown-- you pick up the baby. You pick the baby up when his/her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
PACIFIER If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in
DIAPERING You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. You change their diaper every two or three hours, if needed. You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
ACTIVITIES You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing and Baby Story Hour. You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
AT HOME You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking or hitting the baby. You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
GOING OUT The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
(a favorite)
When child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand xrays. When child swallows a coin you carefully watch for the coin to pass. When child swallows a coin you deduct it from his/her allowance.

GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live.