THE TEN OFFICE COMMANDMENTS

I. Thou Shalt Have No Other Life Beside Work

II. Thou Shalt Not Download Any Craven Images

III. Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of The Manager Thy God in Vain

IV. Remember the Sabbath Day to Work and Keep it Holy

V. Honor Thy Punctuality and Confidentiality Agreements

VI. Thou Shalt Not Kill Time

VII. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery On Office Furniture or Equipment

VIII. Thou Shalt Not Steal Thy Employer's Yellow Sticky-Notes

IX. Thou Shalt Not Wantonly Xerox Thy Posterior

X. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Cubicle, Nor His Stapler,   Nor His Three-Hole Punch 




The CEO of a large company was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. A few days later when the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
 

A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job. 
The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?" 
The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Viet Nam." 
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?" 
The guy says, "In fact, I am 100% disabled. During a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled. It doesn't affect my ability to work, though." 
"Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you: I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started." 
The guy says "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?" 
"Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"